Show Notes

 

Laila Gowe, is a fierce mom and number one advocate for her son, Bennett.  She is always willing to share her journey of navigating resources and support for her child's best future. Laila inspires others with her kindness and determination to fight for her son's needs.

Her story is one of hope and resilience, and she offers valuable insights into the challenges and triumphs of being a parent of a child with unique needs. Laila always keeps things real about the joys and struggles of parenthood, and the importance of advocating for our children's best interests.

 

Are you still in shock that you are a parent of a special needs child?
This show is for parents who are morning the loss of the life and child they thought they would have. For parents who are tired, lonely, and see no hope in sight?

You will learn how to deal with your non-verbal child with a sensory processing disorder, seizures, meltdowns, haircuts, and family trips. Embark on a journey of consciousness, self-care & meditation.

My name is Chad Ratliffe. I am a single father of 5 kids 6 years of age (8-14) and 2 with special needs. 5 years ago, in a nasty divorce, my depression led me to drug addiction and hopelessness. Today, I share with others a life I never imagined possible.

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SUMMARY KEYWORDS

parents, bennett, diagnosis, challenging, child, day, feel, naked, work, ben, started, therapist, podcast, cio, early, therapies, journey, process, years, number

SPEAKERS

Chad Ratliffe, Laila Gowe

 

Laila  00:00

Allow yourself to feel what you feel. I think that's very important. I would suggest starting to rewire the way you think I had to make a conscious effort to self regulate very quickly and I had to realize that it was me that would change the situation by a calm approach and by an inquisitive approach, Why is he acting this way? How is he feeling rather than a stern approach or getting frustrated because that doesn't benefit anyone? And nobody's going to advocate for your child like you will big or small. Nobody's going to tie their shoes like you will or nobody will rally on the hill like you well, you just in any way that you can, you have to push for your child.

 

00:42

Welcome to the daily naked parent podcast brought to you by Rocco blue. The first ever brand focused on supporting parents with special needs children. Thank you. Parent nation is a group of parents with special needs children, who are willing to give honorable, stripped it all down and take a look at ourselves, our parents, our family and our plans create a life beyond our wildest dreams.

 

Chad Ratliffe  01:15

On today's show, we'll be discussing the social lens of our differently abled children. Hello naked parent nation and welcome to today's episode of The Naked parent podcast. My name is Chad ratliffe, and I'm your host. Before I introduce you to our guests today, let me start by sharing the naked parent nation, preamble. Naked parent nations a worldwide community of parents and professionals raising children with all kinds of needs. We come together to share Naked Truth support our fellow parents and inspire the inner growth that each of us needs to build the life and family of our dreams.

 

For the parents that are struggling, we want you to know that we will love you until you can love yourself, for your children, we pray and send power from our collective group. As we come to understand our divine nature, we realize that there's no need to feel sorry for ourselves be angry or feel lack, we come to understand that our feelings of limitation and separation are only in our minds. Through Self Realization, we expand our consciousness. So that the challenges that perplex us today dissipate one by one until we're able to see and experience gratitude, and beauty and everything just as it is. We have the power to create any kind of life we want for ourselves and our families. We do this by living in the naked present moment, one day at a time. This is the process of naked parenting. Whether it's your first step on the path or your 10th I'd like to welcome you to naked parent nation and the naked parent podcast. As we do before we get to our interviews some moment for us to get grounded and centered and realize the peace that we can find within hopefully so if you want to sit up tall or whatever is comfortable for you, and just slowly let your eyes fall closed with your spine erect and then just lift your gaze slightly to that space between your eyebrows. And just take in the feelings in your body. Taking the sounds around you. And don't try to manipulate them or get rid of them. Just recognize them. Relax your shoulders. Relax your tummy and your thighs.

 

shift back slightly. feel a connection between your legs and your hips and your shoulders. Elbows feel those connections at the different joints and then feel your feet in the ground and feel that energy that comes from that grounding connection to the earth. Feel the support underneath you. Now focus on your breath. Inhale as the breath comes up and hold that at the top crown of your head and then exhale and feel that warm air going back down in sit and think of something you're grateful for and breathing as you feel the gratitude sense your heart opening and realize the miracle of the heart, the miracle of the heart opening, that miracle that we're all here today, taking this time to recognize our heart, what a miracle. These are some of the ways that we can connect with our body.

 

Take a moment for ourself. And let's focus on three deep breaths. Inhale, and hold it. an exhale, let it all go. One more time, inhale. And then let it all go. And then one more time, inhale. And then let it all go. As you allow your eyes to open, back up, come back into the room. And join us on the interview that we're about to have with Leila Gao. Did I say your last name? Right?

 

Laila  06:44

You did. Thank you.

 

Chad Ratliffe  06:45

Thank you so much for being with us. Can you tell us where you're calling in from?

 

Laila  06:50

Yeah, I'm calling in from Ottawa, Canada.

 

Chad Ratliffe  06:53

Awesome. Can you tell us a little bit about you and your family? And what that looks like and what y'all do in Ottawa, Canada?

 

Laila  07:02

Absolutely. My partner, Neil, we've been together for 16 years, we have our miracle boy, Bennett, He's four years old. Now. I was not supposed to be able to have children. So Ben, has been a real blessing. We own a restaurant. We've been in the industry for a long, long time. So very, very busy. And Bennett was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder and speech delay a year and a half ago, or almost two years ago.

 

Chad Ratliffe  07:29

And how old is he now for? When did something start looking different than you thought it was supposed to? Look? When did you notice the first signs of something on the radar,

 

Laila  07:40

we started to notice but weren't completely in tune. Obviously, don't suspect that that would be on the table right away. But just after a year, we noticed that he was definitely lining toys up in patterns and in depth fit in just lining things up period, we would notice that he would be spacing out often. And that eye contact, not spacing out, but more in his own world. And that eye contact wasn't always present. But this was confirmed when his pediatrician out a year and a half said he wasn't reaching his milestones. And that's when we started the process of speech therapy.

 

Chad Ratliffe  08:20

Was he making sight sounds?

 

Laila  08:24

He was making sounds he was laughter was huge. He was expressive in his feelings. hooing happened early on, but you know, he wasn't repeating he wasn't babbling. There are a lot of Miss marks. And you know, he wasn't as emotional as other as other babies, I should say like, he wouldn't cry very much. He was generally very much

 

Chad Ratliffe  08:46

happy. Okay. And did he How about walking was that motor skills? Did they,

 

Laila  08:52

they've always been pretty good. So he started walk at about a year, one month, so not early, not late. And he was eating by himself pretty quickly, too. So it wasn't those weren't kind of signs, the biggest sign was his speech. And then we started the process of speech therapy with CIO. So it was interesting at the time, because CIO is the Children's Hospital of Eastern Ontario. It's world renowned. And in their programs. At that time, it was COVID. So everything was done via zoom. So we would meet therapists via zoom, and then I would put into play their strategies to try and get them to talk more. And we ended up getting a spot in person during a COVID lockdown break. And the his therapist at the time, at the end of the session looks at me and said, I think we need to get him assessed and it didn't register. And she goes, Are you okay? And I said I'm fine. And then as I left I thought assessed, yeah. Okay, this is different. So it wasn't like it wasn't an immediate thing. It was we went through many pros And then eventually, we led to him being autistic.

 

Chad Ratliffe  10:06

Was that the second meeting? So was the first meeting with the pediatrician that said, you should take a look at this. And then this was the second meeting, or is that all one meeting?

 

Laila  10:15

Oh, sorry. I'm so nervous. So I should have been a bit more clear. Pediatrician is completely separate from the Children's Hospital. Yeah, that his practice is different. He recommended us to CIO. And then we started with Afra. That was a therapist at the time. And after, after a while we're waiting for a diagnosis. We went through, I think three or four other therapists.

 

Chad Ratliffe  10:39

Okay. The first time it was brought up was with the pediatrician, right?

 

Laila  10:44

Yes. And then when was that visit? Yeah, but he was not concerned about it. There was no wasn't on the table. It was just he's talking milestones, we should get him into speech therapy.

 

Chad Ratliffe  10:57

Okay. Do you remember the day that the therapist said that you should have him evaluated for

 

Laila  11:05

a do I remember leaving and, and starting to process it? And then crying?

 

Chad Ratliffe  11:12

Which are you by yourself that day,

 

Laila  11:14

I was by myself that day, we went straight to his father Neil, right afterwards. And Neil is super hands on and is really a part of this process. Like, we support Bennett and every way and I'm very lucky. But at first hit, I think his knee jerk response was, okay, well, it's gonna be okay. Like, it's like, it's fine. He's good. That's smart. He's healthy, whatever else. So that was kind of where we landed. And we've grown throughout the process together as we, as we now understand that it is autistic. And that's completely fine.

 

Chad Ratliffe  11:48

Yeah. It's a heck of a journey, though, right?

 

Laila  11:53

Yes, it certainly has been a really positive emotional journey. And at the same time, your quote

 

Chad Ratliffe  11:59

that you gave, I've never heard it before. I love it. And I want to share it with the listeners. It is autism is a journey I never expected, but I sure do love my tour guide. Amazing. And that's exactly how I feel. That's so beautiful.

 

Laila  12:18

I just, you know, life doesn't always go as planned. Our number one goal is to make sure that Bennet that we advocate for him, and that we support him in any way that he needs to be the person that he needs to be and as sees as much success as he can. And for us, that is a top priority, but we also think there's no end to how far he can go.

 

Chad Ratliffe  12:43

So he's been so lucky to have parents like you, it's, I get a wide variety of parents on the show, and just the way that you've embraced and the lens at which you're looking through this makes me feel like he's very blessed to have the kind of parents that he has. Are you still having to mourn the loss of the child that you thought you were gonna have?

 

Laila  13:07

I don't know. But here's the thing I never really put thought towards the child I was going to have because I was to have children. So my expectations were not. That's just not who I am as a person regardless. When Neil and I got married, it was on a beach just him mind Bennett. And we're like, maybe we should just exchange rings. Because we've had a child. I don't have large expectations of societal norms. And so, you know, if Bennett didn't if it wasn't autistic, and had different interests, I probably would have embraced them regardless. So now bracing his interest in planets and numbers and prehistoric sea creatures. No problem.

 

Chad Ratliffe  13:49

Yeah. Awesome. What is a difficult day look like thing when Ben It's feeling challenged.

 

Laila  13:57

You know, we refer to them as ebbs and flows, because there's, it's typically one week to the next. Okay, now, we're on a high leak, it almost feels like he his speeches are growing. He's being very interactive. He's wearing most of his out outdoors gear at or where I should say, but there was almost a month where Bennett refused to wear shoes. And that posed a huge challenge every morning because it was very upsetting to him. And all I could manage to get on with crocs, and it's cold here. And I had to get him to preschool. If I'm going to work, he has to go to preschool.

 

And he only goes fairly part time regardless, but on those days, I have to be able to get some work done. So it was you know, a stressor on everyone himself. If he did not want shoes, whether it be sensory or the weight of them or I'm not sure. So that lasted up until I got rain boots on him on Saturday, but that was a month where it was daily touching go That's okay, like we accept that the bigger concern is, I don't want you to come home sick, because you're in a puddle in minus 10 in crocs.

 

Chad Ratliffe  15:07

Well, it's cold, cold cold.

 

Laila  15:10

We're having a very late winter today. It's gorgeous. We have plus eight. But that's.

 

Chad Ratliffe  15:15

So I don't know a lot about restaurants. But I know that blessing about restaurants is not the short, convenient hours that they provide. Are you both in the restaurant business?

 

Laila  15:27

Yes. So my husband owns the restaurant, I'm actually benefiting from working there. Presently. It's not, I've kind of put any career goals aside for a little bit or for as long as I need to. So what I do at the restaurant is I do all of the event coordination. And then I do staff management. So I'm actually able to create my own schedule. You have to work within that schedule. So when I say getting them off to school, I do need him to go off to school. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. But it can be very long hours, but I'm thankfully able to work a lot of event planning remotely,

 

Chad Ratliffe  16:04

are you able to tell if the early intervention is having an extra positive impact? Because you've gotten started so early?

 

Laila  16:13

Yes, I feel very fortunate to have had everything lined up to where I had to get myself educated quickly. And then I just started pushing and advocating for him. And, you know, I'm sure some people thought I might have been a little pushy, or but no one else is going to advocate for my son, except for me as hard as I have. So as a result, we're now in a place where I, you know, I'm receiving support and getting him many therapies. And I just think it's really important to act as quick as possible to just see where they wear an autistic person stance and what their needs are. And how, by needs. You know, Bennett is still toileting at four years old. So we're working hard on that he clearly has strong sensory needs when it comes to clothing and, and other things. So we work on that and I'm able to access more resources, because I've been at it for so long.

 

Chad Ratliffe  17:10

Okay. So somebody who just got diagnosis and feeling overwhelmed, you would encourage them to reach out and get whatever therapies and services you can get involved in.

 

Laila  17:22

Exactly. You know, the day of Bennett's diagnosis, I just took the day and I just I was upset. It did not like, I don't think I processed it as this is going to be life altering for me more than what does his future look like? How is his future gonna mold out because I just want the best for him. But so he was diagnosed on April 7. And the next day, April 8, I called every number that they gave me on that sheet of paper, every number turns out, most of them could have been streamlined through the access team. So nobody called me back. But then you have to start in Canada,

 

you have to start applying for things you have to apply for an OAP number, which is in Ontario, Ontario autism program number, because you get a diagnosis, but you're not registered for any resources until you get this invitation letter. It's very odd. So right away, I just started pushing. And at that time, financially, we were in a bit of a different situation. So I was applying through pilot programs and calling everyone I could to see what I could within our budget at the time. So yes, I do encourage any parent to just reach and pick out whatever you can get. Because your child deserves it.

 

Chad Ratliffe  18:32

That's awesome. So you're fairly early. It sounds like you've done a lot. In the short time that you've been kind of enlightened to this, the world that you're in, I'm curious, and you're you own a business that's very demanding, why was it important to you to still figure out how to carve out time to share this message on the show, it would have been easy to be too busy to do this. And we're grateful you did but I'm curious why you made this happen.

 

Laila  19:05

So the way I thought about it is I really don't want to do this podcast. But I'm going to do this podcast, because in our story, any opportunity that presents itself for me to support Ben and his growth, I have to do it. I am sweating through my shirt right now. I've stripped my hair for the first time in three months, by the way, but it's just any way to show him that I have his back is what I'll do.

 

Chad Ratliffe  19:41

You know, doing the show. One of the most rewarding things about doing this show has been meeting parents that are engaged in their child's journey of special needs. None of us planned on this. Most of us had no idea what it meant. I have these unique needs. And people like you are going out of their way to engage in this journey, and support others on the journey. And it's a really beautiful thing to come together. So I thank you for being that kind of parent and that kind of person. I think it's really wonderful.

 

Laila  20:22

We're doing this podcast. And I have a little note of notes here, as it makes me say thank you for the opportunity. It's allowed me to revisit our journey thus far. Thank you for sharing.

 

Chad Ratliffe  20:35

Well, has it been challenging to be on the same page with your husband through this process? Or has it been? Easy? Can you tell us a little bit about that dynamic? For most couples, it's challenging to go through this process.

 

Laila  20:52

So yes, there are challenges. That being said early on, a lot of the Zoom therapies that Ben and I did, I took the lead on. So I was definitely getting a lot of more insight or education on how to approach certain situations. And it was mainly with speech therapy. And then I eventually got a therapist in the house through CIO, which was, which was free, which was lovely. And for eight weeks, we just did one word prompts for an hour for two hours a week. So I'd do a one word prompt for eight weeks a week straight, just to get them to say something. And my husband would sit and sit in on it.

 

 So he would often take by lead on the direction or approaches or I'd softly say, This is what I think we should be doing. But he's been so involved of late and actually educating himself like he actually they're out of the house because he took him to his therapy today. We're going to have a lunch. So now we have bigger conversations on where we think that it is. And it definitely we have different thoughts occasionally, but we try and stay on the same page. That's great. It's not about us.

 

Chad Ratliffe  22:01

I mean, I had to deal with some denial. I wasn't able just to take everything they said at the beginning, I wanted to maybe believe that some of it wasn't true. Has it been more difficult for one of you than the other to just kind of accept all of this?

 

Laila  22:19

I think it would definitely, I think it was more difficult for my partner. It's hard. It's hard to at the time of diagnosis, or prior to diagnosis, leading up to it. Anytime we went to a doctor's appointment, only one of us was allowed it or so I was receiving the information directly. And then I transfer it to him and I can be dramatic. So be like, are you overblowing this or is this not the case. And it was never, and Cindy read it that way. But I think he might have felt it. So when we started to get the facts that this is where it's going. It might have been harder for him to process.

 

But once he processed, my husband says to this day, if diagnosis, diagnoses naturally, were easier to come by in his time, he probably would have been diagnosed on that spectrum. It feels strongly that he might have landed somewhere along there. Yeah.

 

Chad Ratliffe  23:12

So I have five kids. And I remember, I remember zero to one being the most challenging because it was the biggest shock on my life. My life didn't involve kids and wasn't being prepped for kids. And so zero to one was like the biggest shock on my life even more than adding the third and fourth kid because it was just such a contrast from my previous life. One is, how's that been just going from not being parents to being parents? And to have you had to make any changes? Or how do you care for yourself throughout this process?

 

Laila  23:52

I drink a lot less. But when I found out I was pregnant with Ben, it was a real like life change, because there was no expectation of this occurring. My partner, Neil, again, we've been together for 16 years. He's 10 years older than me, and he has two teenagers. So in their late teens, so it wasn't his first rodeo, but it was the first time that we'd be doing this the whole way through. Yeah, zero to one. I remember being really easy. Oh, he slept through most of the nights.

 

We would co sleep he fed pretty well. I couldn't breastfeed that didn't ever go through. But my pregnancy was so so hard. That zero to one. He was like just he was he barely cried it. In hindsight, I should maybe I should have been more aware of that. He was just so easy. I'm not sure. I find the hardest time for me has been three to four. Okay, so we're at four and we're getting into a better spot but diagnosis to now has been a big push a lot of work.

 

Chad Ratliffe  24:55

How do you care for yourself to make sure that you're emotionally in the bed disposition you can be

 

Laila  25:01

not much, okay. But I do take my moments away, and I really enjoy them. So I enjoy my showers alone, I enjoy the after bedtime, you know, just sitting for events, I'd like to say that I read lots of books or something like that. But I don't usually just decompress with a TV show or no social interactions, which is lovely. A large part of what I do involves social interactions. And then the rest of my day is being very consumed with Bennett and his social interaction. So I'm typically very tired. I like to sleep.

 

Chad Ratliffe  25:38

Does something stand out to you as being the most difficult part of this journey for you? Is there something that's, that's been more challenging for you to face or deal with? For yourself? Or in raising Bennett?

 

Laila  25:52

So, you know, when I knew that I was going to commit to this podcast, I thought, Okay. Was there a bad time? Or the worst time? Initially, I thought, maybe the diagnosis because that was that was life altering. But then I thought, no, was it all of the work afterwards to write MPs or to reach out to government officials to just get an invitation letter to get resources? No, because I suspect I'll have to keep pushing for as long as I have to, until Bennett is in continues to be happy, I think. And my husband said, don't say this one, I think

 

Chad Ratliffe  26:25

I want to know, then there was a while back,

 

Laila  26:29

and it was early in his diagnosis. And someone who I don't know, who I'll never meet who is very inconsequential to me, over the phone referred to my son as retarded. And it wasn't his words, because I don't give clout to him or an ignorant person that way. But I think why it was the worst was because it immediately made me think of what other adversities is he going to have to face in his life. What, who else am I going to have to protect him from? And who is he eventually left to protect himself from? And it's not going to be a hand problem. It's going to be there always going to be ignorant, terrible people. And that's that to me, it was a really horrible moment. And it sat with me for a while.

 

Chad Ratliffe  27:14

Yeah, yeah. That's one of the How are our kids going to take care and defend for themselves? It's challenging enough for a typical person to to feel confident enough to stand up for themselves? Yeah, I guess we'll find out. Right.

 

Laila  27:31

Exactly. I might be being a few kids. Yeah, that's wrong. Yeah. And

 

Chad Ratliffe  27:39

so we do like, a lightning round where you give just so we can kind of get more of your thoughts, where you give kind of a one word to one sentence answer to some questions, or yet for trying it? Sure. All right, just first thing that comes to your mind, What's the best

 

Laila  27:56

advice you've received? Trust your instincts?

 

Chad Ratliffe  27:59

What online course topic? Would you sign up for today? If it was available?

 

Laila  28:04

accessing resources?

 

Chad Ratliffe  28:06

Do you have a top resource a recommendation to share with other parents? Therapy? If you can get it? What's the next thing on your list that you want to add for your individual well being massage? What's one thing you think would improve your life if you did it? Or have it the gym? Do you have a favorite product that you use for yourself or your child that you just love and couldn't live without?

 

Laila  28:29

And good eats? It says a food product.

 

Chad Ratliffe  28:33

All right. Is there anything that you believe to be true that most parents disagree with scripts? Probably screen

 

Laila  28:39

time?

 

Chad Ratliffe  28:40

And what in what sense?

 

Laila  28:42

I know most parents or all of everything you read is there shouldn't be any or limit it to an hour a day. While I like while I monitor it and really watch it be tends to grow a lot with certain programs and educational programs, and it piques his interest in planets or in prehistoric creatures. Right now we're watching shows about dressing. And he likes to mimic it and it actually gives me a bit of room to play with and to connect with him on and then now I can refer to that show and sing that song and we're gonna put on his pants together. So it's not ideal, but that's how he he associates things.

 

Chad Ratliffe  29:22

Yeah. Do the teenagers and Bennett have any contact?

 

Laila  29:27

They do? They're obviously teen teenagers and living their own lives. Yeah. Ben especially loves his bigger sister and she used to dance so they have dance parties and and they can actually make him

 

Chad Ratliffe  29:40

isn't challenging for them. Do you think to have a?

 

Laila  29:44

I don't think so. I think the Teenage Demographic is very self involved. So maybe eventually it'll become challenging, but Bennett presents not challenging for the most part on social media and social visits.

 

Chad Ratliffe  29:58

Awesome. First of all, thanks. Keep for taking the time, thank you for sharing your journey and your heart. For the parent that just got diagnosis and doesn't really isn't feeling good about it is kind of feeling bummed out and down about it. What do you say to them?

 

Laila  30:16

I would say, allow yourself to feel what you feel. I think that's very important. I would suggest starting to rewire the way you think I had to make a conscious effort to self regulate very quickly. And I had to realize that it was me that would change the situation by a calm approach. And by an inquisitive approach, you know, Why is he acting this way? How is he feeling rather than a stern approach or getting frustrated, because that doesn't benefit anyone. And nobody's going to advocate for your child like you will Big or small, nobody's going to tie their shoes like you will, or nobody will rally on the hill, like you, oh, you just in any way that you can, you have to push for your child.

 

Chad Ratliffe  31:00

I'm inspired to meet another mom who's engaged in their child's life and wants to give them everything that they're able to in the world. So congratulations for being that person, you know, and thanks for taking the time. And I'm glad that we got to talk for a few moments.

 

Laila  31:18

I appreciate it. Thank you very much.

 

Chad Ratliffe  31:20

All right. Have a great rest of your day and say hi to Bennett for us. Sure. Well, thank

 

Laila  31:24

you. Bye, bye.

 

31:30

This concludes our show for today. And I'd like to personally thank you for spending the time with us on a topic near and dear to our hearts. If you'd like to be part of the naked parent nation, and help us reach those parents that are struggling and overwhelmed. There's no better way to help them by subscribing rating and reviewing the show on iTunes. iTunes highlights the shows based on these metrics. And the more the show gets highlighted, the more opportunities people will have to be introduced to the show where they can hear that message of hope, or that tip that can change everything. So follow the link in our show notes. And we hope to have you back here tomorrow where we'll do it again. From the team here at the naked parent podcast we wish you the life you've always dreamed of and then some so long