Show Notes

 

Ashley Crenshaw is a mom ,parent advocacy coach and content creator from Charlotte, North Carolina. She has spent the last 8 years as an educator before transitioning to the non profit sector. Her main goal is to be a community builder for autism moms, letting them know that they are not alone. In her spare time she enjoys listening to podcast, working out and baking.

Are you still in shock that you are a parent of a special needs child?
This show is for parents who are morning the loss of the life and child they thought they would have. For parents who are tired, lonely, and see no hope in sight?

You will learn how to deal with your non-verbal child with a sensory processing disorder, seizures, meltdowns, haircuts, and family trips. Embark on a journey of consciousness, self-care & meditation.

My name is Chad Ratliffe. I am a single father of 5 kids 6 years of age (8-14) and 2 with special needs. 5 years ago, in a nasty divorce, my depression led me to drug addiction and hopelessness. Today, I share with others a life I never imagined possible.

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SUMMARY KEYWORDS

parents, kids, diagnosis, feel, people, mom, son, child, naked, life, day, advocate, crying, autism, handicap sticker, love, talking, share, podcast, daycare

SPEAKERS

Chad Ratliffe, Ashley

 

Ashley  00:00

I also tell people all the time if you don't like that doctor, get a new doctor. Yeah. If you don't like that speech pathologist get a new speech pathologists Yeah, you're not married to these people at all. And if anybody knows their kids, you know your kid. And if I would have listened, my son has made great strides. I mean, great strides because of early intervention. What I know as an educator, even not even a mom, as a teacher, some of these kids don't get help until they're in second or third grade. It's already set in stone by then the language issues, the behavior, everything is already there. That's not saying it cannot be helped or resources cannot be used towards it. You just have a different hill to climb. The best time to kind of get active and really work at this is when they're little

 

Chad Ratliffe  00:54

welcome to the Daily naked pair podcast brought to you by rocket glue. The first ever brand focused on supporting parents with special needs children. A good parent nation is a group of parents with special needs children, who are willing to give all the rubble stripped it all down and take a look at ourselves, our parenting, our family and our plans create a life beyond our wildest dreams. On today's show, we'll be discussing how to find peace with the diagnosis. Hello naked parent nation and welcome to today's episode of The Naked parent podcast. My name is Chad ratliffe and I'm your host. Before I introduce you to our guests today, let me start by sharing a message from naked parent nation.

 

 Naked parent nation is a worldwide community of parents and professionals raising children with all kinds of needs. We come together to share Naked Truth support our fellow parents and inspire the inner growth that each of us needs to build the life and family of our dreams. For the parents that are struggling, we want you to know that we will love you until you can love yourself. For your children we pray and sent power from our collective group. Naked parenting is the process of moving from where you are to where you want to be. Naked parenting understands that the mind is responsible for all of our problems.

 

As you shed the layers of your old programming and beliefs, you will return to the deepest truths of your own being. Do what you've always done, and receive the life you're living or create the vision you want for yourself, your family. Combine that with an elevated emotion support from our community, and you can live the life of your dreams and beyond. We have the power to create any kind of life we want for ourselves and our families. We do this by living in the naked present moment, one day at a time. So if this is your first time connecting with us, I hope you feel the love that's here for you. Together we walk different paths side by side. So let's continue our journey as individuals and parents with a short meditation on the practice of being intentionally happy. So if you want to sit up straight, allow your eyes to fall closed. lightly lift your gaze to that space between your eyebrows, the spiritual eye and we're going to inhale and we're going to hold it intense our fists and our muscles. And then we're going to exhale and relax our muscles and we're going to do that three times. And when you inhale, imagine the flow going up your spine to the crown of your head and then hold it and then exhale, relax. So inhale intense exhale, relax. Inhale intense exhale, relax. On this next one, hold it as long as it's comfortable. Inhale intense and then exhale and let it all go

 

. Feel that peace within. We come together as brothers and sisters on a similar quest to better understand ourselves, our divine calling, and how to be the best version of ourselves and parents for our children. We asked for guidance and ability to accept life on life's terms. May each listener feel an inner sense of peace and calm in our hearts today. May we feel love and spread love. May we maintain a state of intentional happiness or peace, amen. And with your eyes closed and the energy released the practice of metta or loving kindness, it can help you respond to your own mind with friendliness that shatter green mind. Unfortunately, our thoughts they don't always do what we want them to do, and the body may have discomfort. This practice helps us clearly see in our daily lives. In loving kindness, practices, you're not inviting in something from the outside, you're tuning in, to your inside. To the heart wants you to think of your body with a friendly spirit. Listen to it.

 

 See if there's a way that you can make yourself just a little bit more comfortable. Begin by recognizing your own desire to be happy. Don't dig into stories about how you become happier. What makes you happy, is find that natural wish of ease and comfort. Say to yourself, yes, I want to be happy. With the intention in mind, begin offering yourself different phrases. And you may do this with the in breath or on the outbreath. But use phrases like May I be happy? Or may I be healthy? Or may I be safe? May I be at ease. Pick a phrase that feels right for you. And then with your in breath and out breath. Dig into each word and each letter as you say it in your mind when the mind wanders, just bring it back to that phrase Are you having feelings of self judgment? Or is there some kind of resistance to this practice is that voice in your head? complaining and then go back to that phrase we need practices like this so that we can be the best version of ourselves and detach from that crazy voice in our head. Just a few minutes can make a huge difference.

 

 And when you're comfortable, feel free to open your eyes and come back to our conversation today to our guests. I'm so excited to have Ashley Crenshaw on the show. She's a mom, she's a parent advocate, coach. She's a content creator from Charlotte, North Carolina. She spent the last eight years as an educator and then she transitioned into the nonprofit sector. Her main goal is to be a community builder for autism moms, letting them know they're not alone. She loves listening to podcasts working out and baking. Ashley, welcome to the show and thank you for being with us.

 

Ashley  09:34

Thank you for having me. Yeah, we're

 

Chad Ratliffe  09:36

excited to have you can you tell us a little bit about Ashley and your family and just kind of paint that picture for us a little bit.

 

Ashley  09:45

I am a mom, a wife. I have two littles so my son and my daughter are about 16 months apart. I remember finding out was pregnant with my daughter and him my son sitting on my husband's lap because it was norm COVID and his head still kind of, you know, like an infant head just still kind of like loose. And so a lot of my journey with dealing with my son and what he has gone on, she's a part of it because she was there, even when she was an infant. And I don't know if that added extra stress to everything, because you have two babies, like they do everything together. So they're my life, like I do everything for them. Just pouring into them pouring into myself, I recently probably within the last year have made the decision to be more open about what I'm dealing with. And my mind has been blown with the amount of women, dads, everybody who's reached out like,

 

 I feel seen with your content. And my goal was just to talk about it, because I felt like when you get a diagnosis of any term, I mean, anything, they try to tell you no, like, keep it to yourself, you don't have to tell anybody. And while I do not disclose everything that happens with my son, his diagnosis does affect me. And so talking about it has been able to be sort of like therapy for me, in a sense. And I've just been so grateful that not only me talking about it has helped me but it's helped many women like my inbox looks crazy. Because women are like, I looked at your page, and I started crying, because somebody gets me. And in this world where we think of everybody being neurotypical, nobody gets you but somebody with a diagnosis. And it doesn't always have to be autism. I'm talking to moms who children down syndrome, and everything else in between. We're all in a different type of battle.

 

Chad Ratliffe  11:36

Yeah, yeah. So is your daughter considered tickets was considered

 

Ashley  11:41

normal. I watch her heavily. Because I know for girls that they mask more, and they usually don't get a diagnosis until later in life. So around seven, eight is when you really see it. And I've had times where I'm like, Ah, but between his developmental pediatrician and her pediatrician, we've all kind of had roundtables, and then like, it's not as prominent, so they don't want to test her just yet. Now, if it gets to a point where all of us agree, then yes, we'll test her. But we all like everybody, my family, we all have our eye on her to see if it's something there. But right now she is normal, but I feel bad in the sense because her being normal, and her brother being special. It's kind of the teeter totter between. Now she's kind of like a glass door kid. When it's like, Hey, how are you? Where's your brother? How's your brother doing? What's all the amazing things he's doing? Or what is he not doing? So it's, it's a gift and a curse. I feel like sometimes for her, they my prayers that she doesn't grow up with regret, or resentment.

 

Chad Ratliffe  12:52

I love that you're aware of it. I think there's a lot of parents that the kids are up and grown and they realize that so I think just being aware of that. She's in a great place. What was the first thing that you saw that that led you to?

 

Ashley  13:11

Something's off? Silly enough, he kept knocking a lamp down. And not just one or two times, I mean, knocking it down 20 to 40 times a day, and just smacking it down, putting it back smacking it? Mm hmm. And I think too, for me, and I tell people all the time, I was a teacher. So I feel like it's a spidey sense for me to be able to see certain behaviors. And like, note that in my head, that's a little different. And so when I explained how I was so early, like he was 18 months when I got his diagnosis, and most people were like, Oh, I wasn't even thinking about that. I was. It's one of those when you see something, you say something, and I fault the entire system, because not only is he autistic, he's gifted. So their whole thing was well, he knows his letters, and he knows his numbers. But I'm like, if his food is in a certain way, he cries for an hour. And I think now in this community,

 

 we don't talk about social emotional enough. And we focus so much on the academics where I do believe academics are important. A lot of our kids are lacking in the social emotional department. And that's where his autism is really, really spikes. That is his emotional regulation. He had a hard time sharing. He parallel played a lot. And he couldn't verbally express even though he was little, he just could not get out his emotion. So every emotion was big. If he was happy, it was a big happy, like he won the lottery. If he was sad, he was really sad like he was grieving and he was angry. You would have thought he was fighting and those small things made me think something that's something that's not right. And the food aversions too, because he didn't eat anything.

 

Chad Ratliffe  15:05

Did your doctor not support you? Okay.

 

Ashley  15:11

I feel like that's Italian himself. I think being black, to be honest, we have to fight a little harder for our kids to really be seen in these lights, we get kind of blown past. And I think too, because he's a black little boy. And he was smart. It was like, Oh, he's smart, who cares? And I was like, that has nothing to do with everything else going on around him. He cannot play with others. He's running away. Like he can't be at daycare, there's something else there. But our concern is the fact that he can count to 100 at one. So I had to fight and I did every state tests in the state tests where it's like, well, well, he's hitting all his milestones. And I wouldn't be talking about well, his social emotional is not where it needs to be. He's not good around people. He doesn't know. Like, he was very clingy. Now, I know that the cleanliness is for his safety. But just really having to fight like his pediatrician to this day, when he got the diagnosis, I was actually taking my daughter to go get checked out. And he walked in there. And he was like, I don't believe in the diagnosis at all.

 

Yeah, we went in the I just I told him, this is my kid, you're going to write my referral, we're going to get it evaluated. So when we got finally got the answer, I was kind of relieved, I was okay. We have something to work with. But he came back and I had my daughter, and he walked in talking about my son. And I was like, Wait, we're not even talking about I'm not worried about that. And he was like, I just don't understand. And I think it's a, it's a black thing, to be honest. Nobody wants the labels. everybody's scared of a label. And I was like, but we don't realize that if we don't treat the label, that kid that person can grow up and not get what they need. And there's a lot of adults now that I'm meeting that said, I didn't get a diagnosis until I was 2730 to 45. Because my mom didn't want me to have a label. And they talked about the difficulties that they've had in their life, from friends to relationships to school, because their parent didn't want to advocate or they were scared to advocate or they just didn't want their kid to be labeled different.

 

Chad Ratliffe  17:25

Can you imagine like the loneliness and just sitting inside? Nobody, nobody understand you? Well, one thing for the parents and naked parent nation that are listening, I hope they listened. For what you just said, because I can't tell you how many parents come on here. And the pediatrician says delay. And for me, I had a bunch of kids back to back like you did. And when they said delayed, I was like, Oh, good.

 

Ashley  17:58

And I just, we gotta label let's go with it.

 

Chad Ratliffe  18:01

Just delayed the no courses were all good. You know, like, it was delayed, delayed, delayed past biased. And then it's like, way, this is way too far past. But then years have passed, years have passed. And so I hope that the parents are listening that you have to speak up that you're not going to get not everybody's going to get somebody that's going to help open doors for you. You have to

 

Ashley  18:29

I also tell people all the time, if you don't like that doctor, get a new doctor. Yeah, if you don't like that speech pathologist get a new speech pathologists Yeah, you're not married to these people at all. And if anybody knows their kids, you know your kid. And if I would have Listen, my son has made great strides. I mean, great strides because of early intervention. What I know, as an educator, even be not even a mom, as a teacher. Some of these kids don't get help until they're in second or third grade. It's already set in stone by then the language issues, the behavior, everything is already there. That's all not saying it cannot be helped or resources cannot be used towards it.

 

You just have a different hill to climb. The best time to kind of get active and really work at this is when they're little like my son had a huge expressive language delay. Huge. We did it for a year, and we were aggressive about it. Now he over shares how he feels because we forced the issue. But now I see him when he's with friends. Instead of smacking him upside the head. He'll say, Hey, I don't like that. Can we share? Can we play a little better? And that's because I started at 18 months, and that add 456

 

Chad Ratliffe  19:51

Yeah, if you get into the science and the brain development, it really makes sense why you have to do it in that window because of how stuff More than their brains

 

Ashley  20:00

work. Yeah.

 

Chad Ratliffe  20:02

Can you tell us how your son's autism makes him unique? Oh, so

 

Ashley  20:07

he has hyperlexia. So at four, he can tell you all types of multiplication, you can add everything up together. I tell people all the time, I'm raising the good doctor. I don't know if you've ever seen the show. But he's good with numbers. He tells people how to build stuff. Like, it's crazy in the sense how his brain works. And he's so numbers since and all that it's a lot for me, even as I taught math. I'm like, wait, I get overwhelmed sometimes. But it helps him so much academically. It's he's soaring, we've actually had a kind of tug of war between his doctors because I've built a team around me. Because sometimes I am mom, sometimes I'm educator, sometimes I'm an advocate. But as I'm getting, as I've gotten into this process, I like to sit back and be mom. And that was something that somebody had pointed out to me, are you going to be Mom, are you going to be as advocate. And so I've seen how we've all talked about him being skipped. But that's because his brain is there. But emotionally, he should not be skipped.

 

He needs to be right with his peers, because we still have moments where he'll parallel play, or he won't talk to anybody. Or if he's talking to somebody, he's really close. So really trying to balance his superpowers, because all my friends think it's amazing that he's, he's autistic. But he's a genius. Like they call him little genius, because he can read and sometimes it's not helpful when he's trying to get snacks out, or whatever. But it's amazing how his brain works like he's very, I say, cut and paste, very black and white. When he says sisters are more rainbow type child. He's very cut and paste if you tell him anything, I he told me something that I told him a year ago, the other day, his memory is like an elephant isn't so cool. It works in his favor. And I think that's for all autistic kids. Because even the ones that aren't verbal, they know a lot.

 

Chad Ratliffe  22:12

That's cool. What's a difficult day. On the flip side, what's a difficult day look like how's that manifests

 

Ashley  22:20

this morning, we have in North Carolina, we have Bojangles. Everybody loves Bojangles. He's now in a place where he doesn't like eating things that are odd numbers. So they gave us an odd number of bull rounds. He's sobbing, crying, shaking, because he cannot eat it. And I'm like, What is going on, and then I count the ball rounds. So I have to go back around and buy more bowl rounds. So that it's a number that he feels comfortable with. And I see his anxiety heightened when numbers don't add up or he doesn't feel good. The other Oh, two, three weeks ago, we tried on 10 Different uniform shirts. Because they did not feel right. If he has something planned in his head, and he's he has to see it through.

 

Even if I watch I'm watching him and like it's not gonna work, it's gonna fail. That idea is not smart. He has to see it through. So that's one of the things that kind of sometimes can be an hindrance, because he'll have in his mind how everything's gonna work out. And he's a child, he's four, he doesn't control anything in his life. And so we still do what we need to do as adults, and to watch him crumble because that's not how he saw it. Like, if I go home a different way. He's freaking out. And his freak outs because again, let's remember, these emotions are huge. He's sobbing, you would think something has seriously happened. He's shaking. He's like, it's like an out of body experience. So to watch your child have that experience, because they didn't get the right amount of bow rounds or Skittles, for the food just didn't feel just right.

 

Chad Ratliffe  23:58

Yeah. That's so intense. It's,

 

Ashley  24:02

it's, it takes you under sometimes, like even we have a big issue with sleeping. So insomnia has been our thing. And he cannot sleep without him being like, when I say grabbing you like this. He won't sleep well. And he'll freak out.

 

Chad Ratliffe  24:22

Yeah, that's tough. That's for sure. That's tough. You seem like a very positive person. You know, you seem like a mom who knows how to take charge and and get it done. What did it look like for you to react to the diagnosis? I mean, how did that hit you? How did that go for you?

 

Ashley  24:42

I think for me the diagnosis in bother me and I tell people all the time, because I was in education. I'm still in education, just a different form. So I knew all the resources, all the things that were in front of me. But on the other end, I can only imagine how a mom could feel she works in banking, or at the grocery store. You don't know what this child's life is going to look like. So for me, and just for me, it was a sigh of relief. I was like, Thank You, Jesus. But for my husband, it was, whoa.

 

The world has ended. And so you have now you have two parents were one parents up here, and other parents down here. So one is grieving, not saying I don't grieve, but one's grieving. And once like, oh, we can do this, we can do this. We have music therapy, ones researching. So I am positive. But the build up to being positive was not. We've ran through daycares. We've been to for five decades before we got put in the actual place. When his behavior was at, its worse. They will be calling me every day, hey, he's just not having a good day. He's eloping. Well, they didn't know it was a Lokman at the time, but he's eloping, one time he ran out of the daycare, he was out in the streets. He was unlocking doors. So the build up to the diagnosis is where my mental capacity was crumbling, because I could not put a name on something I knew was wrong.

 

 So when I finally got a diagnosis, I was like, Oh, thank you, I can finally advocate the way I want, because they cares. And everybody else was like, we can't do anything. Because I don't have anything formal to offer them. Let's say. So once I got the diagnosis, it was like a light bulb switched in my head. And I was so relieved and my positivity shot up also to I went to therapy. I tell everybody, if your child if you have children in general, especially if your children have something extra special about them, you need to be in some form of therapy, because while you we might be the party and I'm positive about my son, I still have moments where I'm like, what is his life gonna look like? If I'm not here? Yeah. What is what is the school look like? Is he getting bullied? Because we did have a bullying situation? And he didn't understand it? Is he going to make friends or his friends gonna think He's weird? My mom just told me the other day her and my dad had a conversation saying they hope he's not the weird kid in the class. Like, those are everybody around that child is emotionally dealing with it one way or the other.

 

Chad Ratliffe  27:16

I have. How's dad, processed, gone from, you know, the devastation? How's that worked for him?

 

Ashley  27:24

I think, well, I won't say I think I know he's gotten better. But it's because of the progress we've seen in our son. And I think when you're he's in banking, so he's very much like my son. Everything's numbers, everything's cut and paste. And as we all know, with children who have any form of diagnosis, nothing's cut and paste. Because my kid who has autism might look like this in the next latest kid might look like this. So nothing's one shoe fits all. But as he's seen the progress and as you've seen him grow like he's playing soccer. Now, at one point, we never thought he was gonna play soccer, we put them in T ball. And he cried for two days, like, on and off as if T balls just mortified him. So now we're getting on the other end, maturity has kicked in as well. So he's getting there. But it's still I think it's hard for dads and their sons to kind of really wrap their mind around. My son is just a little bit different.

 

Chad Ratliffe  28:26

Yeah, for sure. For the parents that are listening, you know, I want you to know that if you don't make big life mistakes, it's still can take a bit of time to get through and grieve. And it can be a lifelong process for the ones who end up in a nasty divorce or who fall into addiction because they weren't able to handle it. I mean, that can make it

 

Ashley  28:53

even addiction is real. I actually have talked to several moms, who are I'm drinking heavily I'm smoking. And me and my husband are arguing we're fighting. And while in the grand scheme of things, people like oh, it's just over their kid. It's like, no, that's emotionally a lot to handle. Yeah. And moms for in the most, most cases, not all, a lot of them are single moms that I've met that I've talked to. So they don't even have anybody to kind of balance it out. Or if they do have a spouse, one spouse is over here, and the other spouse is over here. So then you're arguing about what what are you going to do for your kid? What's the right step? Do we believe in the same thing? Because you don't really know I feel like you really don't know your spouse until you have children.

 

Chad Ratliffe  29:43

That's true. That's true. I started this podcast because I fell into addiction. I had the nasty divorce. I'm uniquely qualified, because I've had to go through a lot of these things that people go through. You don't have to go through them. But, but it happened. And so that's why I started it. My favorite thing is hearing two parents stick together. I mean, what that does, is so huge. I love hearing that you and your husband are together. And I love that for your kids. I think it's amazing. If you can pull it off, you talked about counseling, what do you do for you? How do you keep your I work

 

Ashley  30:23

out, or I work out so and people think I'm nuts, I wake up at five every morning, and I go to the gym, and I a lot of who I am. So I'm tall. I played basketball all my life. Even in college, I was a scholarship athlete. And when I had those kids back to back, so I have a newborn, I'm dealing with a child that has something going on, I don't know just what yet. I'm eating crazy, because I'm trying to eat my emotions. My weight had just, it had gotten out of hand. And then I realize, as I'm looking at this body, I'm looking at somebody I don't even know, because I've never seen this before. So and then I'm in I'm depressed because my son's getting kicked out of daycare, my babies, my newborn babies crying. I was also in grad school at the time getting two masters because I'm just crazy. And I realize a lot of my frustration was never getting now. So even when I went to therapy, and it was nice, and I still go, I needed another form of like a physical outlet. So I was like, if you want to feel better, you have to make the sacrifice.

 

And now my body just wakes up at five, and I just go to the gym. But going to the gym has helped me so much. Like just really clear my mind. I didn't know how much I needed that isolation time. And once your day gets started, you know, if kids once they get started, there's no more silence, there's no more just you time, I don't get you time when I shower, when I use the bathroom, when I'm cooking. When I'm in the car, it's no longer just mean time. So I sacrifice some of my sleep. So that means I also need to be proactive about making sure my kids are in bed on time, so that I go to bed on time.

 

Or I put them to bed at 730. And I stay up from 730 to 830. And I flick on Instagram or watch a show to kind of decompress. But I also make sure I go to bed on time. So I can wake up in the morning go to the gym for at least an hour. And that has helped my mental health a lot. Because just throwing around some ways are running. I've found myself running sometimes and crying, just because I'm dealing with it all. And I want to smile because I don't want my son to know that his diagnosis is a burden because it's really not. But i Mommy has to process what Mommy has to process these IEPs these Final Fours, the thought of medication, what does your life look like when you get older? All those things are things that parents have to process. And if you're not processing, it is still sitting inside of you. That's when you get people getting outlets of smoking and drinking. Or I had one mom said that she's just been having sex crazy. Like it's different outlets. So you have to find one that's healthy.

 

Chad Ratliffe  33:09

Yeah, yeah. I love that you brought up that's such an important message to working out, I wouldn't be able to make it without working out. And speaking of basketball, that's my life. And the first time in 47 years, I tore my ACL and my route. It's just plain. And that put me in a wheelchair for two months. And that was so hard up here. It showed me how important that fitness exercise is for me and I love the game of basketball. How do we create a better world for our kids for these kids that have different needs?

 

Ashley  33:44

We have to be talking about it more, I think and I think now is really the curve where we're seeing parents start to really advocate and share. I had one post in particular talking about getting a handicap sticker. And some people were like, Why do you need a handicap center? Your son couldn't walk? Have you ever had an autistic kid just jump out the car run? You don't know my story. So with me sharing that information alone, I had so many moms like I need a handicap sticker. How do I get one of my son's doing this? I don't want to take them to the store.

 

Because then you get to the point to where parents will take the kids out. Because the world's not accessible for our kids. They're scared to take them to a restaurant. I just talk about it. I'm very open and honest. And I believe that me being open and honest with it has helped other women really heal. Like I believe transparency hills. And I don't think we're transparent enough about what we're dealing with. And it's not that we believe our kids aren't burning. It's not that we believe we hate that we have our kids. It's just that we are dealing with something different and if I can share it with you or the next month, and they feel like okay, a sigh of relief. That's totally fine with me. We have to really go to these restaurants and say that That's not going to work for me, you need to have a silent night, or like movie theaters, they started doing the sensory movies,

 

 start including us and our kids and what you're doing, so that we can get them out. Because it's also not good for us to keep our kids at home. I don't keep my kid at home at all, if he's crying and screaming in the middle of the store. So what who's going to say something to me, and if you, if you're bold enough to say something to me, please, please be ready for me to say something back.

 

I just built a strong community around me my parents were they were kinda like, in the beginning. But now even we were at a restaurant, my son was crying because the music was loud. My dad went to go advocate, hey, can you turn it down. But you have to have your family and your friends really circle around your kid like my my friends don't play about my kids. If they feel like somebody's teasing, or they're not saying they were the adult, sometimes I don't even see it. They'll go and take care of it. So I don't have to.

 

And they'll just they'll call me and say How are you feeling? They'll check on me? Or they'll look into other resources. Hey, have you tried this? I think this is a good idea. But we have to start really talking about it. And release the shame. Because a lot of times when you get diagnosis, parents look at themselves and say, What did I do to cause this? You didn't do anything? Like happened? Right? Think about it in the point of maybe you were gifted that child because God knew that you could handle it knew that you would be the one like I told you, I have a big mouth, I've always been loud. He knew that my son needed somebody like me to be out in the world.

 

Chad Ratliffe  36:44

I love that you're an advocacy coach, I can feel people being drawn to you to support them, I think you're an amazing support for whoever you work with. So that's awesome. We do like a lightning round where you kind of just to get more of your thoughts and opinions where you give kind of one word to one sentence answers to a few questions you up for it. Yes, let's go. All right. What's the best advice you have received?

 

Ashley  37:11

It's okay not to be okay.

 

Chad Ratliffe  37:13

What kind of course or retreat or training? Would you like to see for parents?

 

Ashley  37:18

How to not be scared?

 

Chad Ratliffe  37:20

Do you have a top resource or recommendation to share with other parents?

 

Ashley  37:24

Instagram, it's a ton of moms or a ton of families in general, that are putting things out there a lot of the stuff that I've found that I've been doing, I found on Instagram.

 

Chad Ratliffe  37:35

What's the next thing on your list that you want to add for your individual well being?

 

Ashley  37:39

Oh, a vacation? All right.

 

Chad Ratliffe  37:42

What's one thing you think would improve your life if you did it or had

 

Ashley  37:45

it? free daycare?

 

Chad Ratliffe  37:49

Do you have a favorite product you use for yourself or your child or your family that you just love and couldn't live without?

 

Ashley  37:57

So there's actually a girl Her name is I don't remember her name. But she has sensational clothing. And the clothes are made for children with autism. They're waiting jackets and jeans and pants. And my son loves wearing his jacket.

 

Chad Ratliffe  38:10

Cool. I love that. Are you in the advocacy coach of professionally full time, tell us a little bit about what you're doing. So

 

Ashley  38:19

right now, we're nonprofit. But my goal is I'll actually be people live in North Carolina, I'll actually be at the EC conference in Greensboro. I am my goal is it within the next year to start doing it outside of my outside of my job. Because I'm getting, I'm getting people sending me IPs and just saying Help. And I've been trying to help. But I need to kind of organize it a little more, because the need is there. And trying to explain it. And while I did love being a teacher, I don't believe the school systems are really serving our kids. Any justice, like I don't think they have the resources, the money, the people, the bodies, all the things. So just being there so parents can go on those meetings and just be a parent. Because I can understand being those meetings trying to advocate but you're feeling all the emotions of them telling your kid can't do your kid can't do your kid doesn't do. That's a lot to kind of process in the you want to make a decision to sign a piece of paper.

 

Chad Ratliffe  39:20

Yeah, yeah, fail, fail, fail, fail. Okay, I got

 

Ashley  39:25

there a problem in class and it's like, Wait, or they're talking to you. I've seen how, in some IEP meeting, some parents get talked to some type of way. And then I've seen where it's been like some parents get talked to with the pat on the back and a hug as well. And to see the vast difference between the two is disgusting. Yeah.

 

Chad Ratliffe  39:47

Or will you have to, I'm looking forward to you putting up your sign because you're going to be amazing support for a lot of people. So I'm excited for that to happen. You're producing content now. Was there a place where people can find you see what you're up to see some of your content. We're

 

Ashley  40:05

on Instagram right now. It's just Oh underscore Ashley, and I am in the process of starting a podcast, people ask me a lot of questions. They want to know what I'm talking about who I'm talking to all the things. So it's coming.

 

Chad Ratliffe  40:19

I will let us know when it's out, we'll maybe have you back on the show. But definitely get it out there to our audience where you're at and where to find you. If you could send me a link to so we can put it in the show notes to your Instagram page, so people can find you that way. That'd be awesome. And then just kind of in closing, what do you say to that parent that just got the diagnosis. And they just say, I didn't sign up for this. I don't have what it takes. I don't I can't do this.

 

Ashley  40:52

Sit on that diagnosis for about a month. Just sit on it. I think sometimes you get the diagnosis and you believe you're supposed to act. You have to be in the right mental place to make actions happen. Sit on it. It's not your fault. And if anything, sign up for therapy, and forgive yourself. It's so many things that you could say, because parents get the diagnosis. And as an initial, what did I do? You didn't do anything? You didn't sign up for it, but somebody saw fit for you to do it.

 

Chad Ratliffe  41:23

Well, your kids are lucky to have a mom like you. I'm grateful that we had got to have you on the show. I would love to stay connected. And yes, yes, yes. Share this journey together and hear about your podcast. Stay connected as we do this together. Okay. Yes, I would love to. All right. Well, thanks for taking the time to be with us. And I wish you all the wonderful rest of the day.

 

Ashley  41:47

Thank you so much. You too, are by Ashley.

 

Chad Ratliffe  41:53

This concludes our show for today. And I'd like to personally thank you for spending the time with us on a topic near and dear to our hearts. If you'd like to be part of the naked parent nation, and help us reach those parents that are struggling and overwhelmed, there's no better way to help them by subscribing rating and reviewing the show on iTunes. iTunes highlights the shows based on these metrics. And the more the show gets highlighted, the more opportunities people will have to be introduced to the show where they can hear that message of hope, or that tip that can change everything.

 

So follow the link in our show notes. And we hope to have you back here tomorrow where we'll do it again. From the team here at the naked parent podcast we wish you the life you've always dreamed of and then some so long